I need help removing her.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
