i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
