You can't motorboat a personality
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
