Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
