I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
