party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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