It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
