I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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