How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
