I just pynch a tree in the face
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
