Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize