FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Houston, we have a squirter
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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