Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
