so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
