I skipped work to stalk him.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
