The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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