I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
