Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
