If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
