theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
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