just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
