i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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