i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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