I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
