pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
