did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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