# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
