Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
