Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
