ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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