i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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