??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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