I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize