OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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