I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
