Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
