For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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