I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
