idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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