The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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