We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
