i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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