you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
