Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
