Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
