Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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