Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
