I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
