brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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