hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
