The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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