Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
