You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
