Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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