I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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