Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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