gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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