Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm always down for nudity.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
