Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
His hands were made for my vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
