So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
