doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
