He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
