the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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